Now Playing: One Less Lonely Girl

"But no more if you let me inside your world... there'll be one less lonely girl."

Things, memories, events and so much more happen when you least expect it. Something wonderful would come -- so wonderful that it would sometimes render you speechless. Like what happened to her that particular day (September 27, 2013).

For the life of her, she still couldn't fathom how it all started. One moment he was just hurriedly walking by, passing by her since she didn't made an effort to let him know that she's there. The next thing she knew, she was having dinner with him. She still in dazed. And she's still in a trance -- a trance she doesn't want to escape from. She felt like she's floating in a cloud. She felt like everything around her is smiling just for her... only for her.

She mustered all her courage to say "hi" to him when the rest of the students did. She was just standing by the hallway, outside the classroom where he was having classes for his students. When it was time for him to dismissed the students, he then went outside and that was when he saw her among the throngs of students -- though she must say that she really looked like a student at that moment with her white t-shirt, hooded red jacket and denim pants. Must be her illusions or what but she could swore that she saw his face light up when she saw him. She just shrugged the idea because she might just have imagined things. He did waved at her and said "hello"; but she didn't stop to talk to her because he looked like he's in a hurry.

But then, minutes after their brief encounter, she received a text message from him. And that was when things got so "kilig" for her. They decided to have dinner together right after the exam she's going to facilitate and right after his class with some HRM students. She couldn't contain her nerves while waiting for 8:30 PM to come. She can't help fixing her hair, feeling conscious about the way she looks like never before. That was her first date, for crying out loud! And she's freaking nervous.

8:30 came. She received a text message from him. It said that he's going to wait for her outside the faculty room. She felt so nervous because her teachers during her college days might see her. But he assured her that it's going to be fine. She waited for him until he finished fixing his things and then, they went to dine out in the nearest fast food chain (because it was the only one that was open by the time they went out from the school).

They talked about a lot of things. His experiences. Her experiences. His work. Her work. His life. Her life. And things at that moment couldn't have been better. While they were having their conversation, she could freely gazed at him, looking like she's listening attentively when in fact, she just wanted to take a look at his face. She couldn't help but sigh inwardly as she continued to look at the beautiful man in front of her, talking animatedly about the things that's going on with his life, sharing his world to her.

She couldn't help but wish for things to be always like that moment. She wish she could always be with him. But then, when it got late, like it or not, they had to go home.

She's feeling like an idiot since she has been smiling since the time they were together. She had been smiling non-stop. She's in cloud nine. She's inspired. Or maybe... just maybe... she's falling in love.

"I'm coming for you... one less lonely girl."

Now Playing: On My Own

"I love him but everyday I'm learning... all my life I've only been pretending."

She's starting to doubt her capability of moving on. She's starting to think that moving forward is an impossible feat for a weakling like her. He should be sued for giving her this kind of torture because she can't stand it no more. She just can't do it anymore.

These past few days, she's well aware that she's been avoiding him like the plague. She's well aware of how hard it was for her to resist doing drastic things just to get close to him. Thanks to some "distractions", she's able to get through the "resisting" unscathed. But her heart... well, her heart still feels beaten and bruised. It still hasn't recovered from what it has been through.

Will the time ever come for her to feel less hurt?

She squatted under the tree and then started to scribble on her trusty notebook...

Dear M,

How are you today? I just hope... really hope that you're doing well. 

It's been two months since I last saw you. Two long months and I can't believe I was able to resist reaching out to you despite the fact that I've been wanting to do it since the last time I saw you. Time is moving so fast; I lost count of it. Time is moving so fast and it seems like I'm drifting far away from you. I can feel it. I know it.

There's nothing I can do about it, is there? I can no longer do something to change the things that's been going on. I don't know. Maybe, painful as it may seem, I really have to let you go now. I know it took me too long to realize this but believe me when I say it's not that easy. And it will never be easy for me.

I have to let you go. I have to stop hoping. I have to stop wishing. I just want to let you go. I love you. I really do. But, I just can't do anything when it comes to your heart. Maybe... maybe my love is not enough for the two of us. I have to let you go because I love you. I have to let you go because I can't and I won't tie you down. I have to let you go and I have to free myself.

Good bye. I love you (one last time)


Forever yours,

K

"Without me his world will go on turning... a world that's full of happiness that I have never known..."

Now Playing: Nobela (MOVE-ON din 'pag may time)

"At aalis, magbabalik at uuliting sabihin na mahalin ka't sambitin kahit muling masaktan."

Mahirap mag-move on. Mahirap sabihin na okay ka pero kung nakikita mo naman siya o kahit man lang naririnig mo ang pangalan niya ay nahihirapan ka. May mga pagkakataon pa nga na animo'y hindi ka makahinga dahil sa sobrang pangingipuspos ng damdamin mo. Kasi nga, masakit. Kasi sobrang hirap dahil mahal mo siya.

Paano mo ba ilalarawan ang sakit na nararamdaman mo? May mga tao kasing kahit nakikita ka nang umiiyak, eh sasabihin pa rin na "Okay lang 'yan. Malilimutan mo rin siya.". Sa isip mo, gusto mo na silang batuhin ng mug dahil hindi nila alam kung gaano kahirap. Mas madali para sa kanila na sabihin ang mga iyon dahil hindi naman sila ang nakararanas ng pait. Hindi naman sila ang nasasaktan. Paano mo ba ipababatid sa kanila na kahit anong mura pa ang sabihin mo, walang kuwenta pa rin dahil hindi naman nababawasan ang sakit? Sasabihin mo bang para kang tinutusok ng ilang daang aspile? O hindi naman kaya'y sasabihin mo sa kanila na para kang nilulunod sa sobrang sakit at nahihirapan kang huminga? Nakakatawa hindi ba? Kasi hindi mo kayang ilarawan kung ano ang nararamdaman mo. Kahit anong klaseng deskripsiyon ang ibigay mo, hindi sasapat upang mailarawan ang pait at sakit na dulot ng iyong nabigong pag-ibig.

Tapos, darating ka rin sa puntong parang buong katawan mo ang nagpoprotesta dahil tinatamad kang magtrabaho, kumilos o gumawa ng kahit na ano. Kahit siguro ang pagdilat mo ng sarili mong mga mata ay kinatatamaran mo na rin. Gusto mo lang humilata sa kama, magmukmok, makinig ng Broken Vow at Heaven Knows at mag-stress eating. Kulang na lang kumanta ka ng Lazy Song para bigyan ng background ang katamaran mo. Ayaw mong gumalaw kasi ang dahilan kung para kanino ka bumabangon (Nescafe) eh wala na sa iyo.

May mga pagkakataon ring bigla ka na lang napapatitig sa kawalan. Bigla mong maaalala ang nakaraan, ang masasayang araw at maiisip mo rin ang mga mangyayari pa sana kung hindi lang siya nawala sa'yo. Laging nangyayari ang ganito kapag nakakarinig ka ng mga walang kamatayang love songs na animo'y pinatatamaan ka sa bawat linya. Kapag naglalakad ka, napapatigil ka dahil pakiramdam mo sinasadya talaga ng singer na iparinig sayo ang linyang iyon.

Sa mga pagkakataon ring gusto mo na talagang mag-move on, nahaharap ka sa mga pagsubok. Gaya na lang ng bigla siyang magpi-PM sa'yo sa FB o kung hindi kaya kapag bigla mo siyang nakasalubong sa daan. Sus! Mahirap ang ganyan. Mahirap ang mag-move on. Mahirap ang ma-in love at mas mahirap ang masaktan.

Mahirap mag-move on hindi dahil hindi mo gusto o dahil may pumipigil sa'yo. Mahirap mag-move on kasi kahit gaano ka niya sinaktan, kahit gaano ka nahihirapan dahil sa kanya, mas masaya ka pa rin kapag naiisip mo siya. Sumasaya ka sa tuwing kahit sandali lang ay nabibigyan ka niya ng pansin.

Para ito sa mga taong nagmahal at nasaktan, mga nagmamahal na masaya na sa relasyon nila at sa mga nagmamahal na alam naman nating masasaktan lang rin :)

"Tunay na pagsintang 'di alintana... bawat sandali na lang."

Now Playing: Kimi Ni Todoke (Reaching You)

Yasashii hidamari ni chaimu ga direi suru Hoho wo naderu kaze ibuki wa fukakunatteku	In that gentle spot warmed by the sun, the chime is delayed The wind brushing my cheeks turns into my deep breath
Toomawari no namida namae tsuketa ashita Kasanaru miraiiro no rain	Roundabout tears, the tomorrow we named Are all overlapping future-colored lines
Adokenai konna kimochi mo Hajiketobu hodo waraiaeta hi mo Taisetsu ni sodateteikeru youni Togiretogire no toki wo koete Takusan no hajimete wo kureta Tsugatteyuke todoke	These childish feelings The days we laughed together happily I hope we come to treasure them You surpassed this disconnected time And gave me lots of firsts I'll connect them to you, I'll reach you
Houkago no yuuyami warau kimi no senaka Hisokana sasayaki fureta koto no nai omoi no naka	The after school sunset, your back, as you're laughing Secret whispers, inside these untouched feelings
Boku no naka no kimi to kimi no naka no boku de Karamaru miraiiro no rain	The you inside of me, and the me inside of you Are all interweaving future-colored lines
Ameagari no machi no nioi to Yumemitaina himitsu wo mune ni daite Nandomo nakisou ni natte mata warau Kangaeru yori zutto hayaku Sono mune ni tobikometara ii Tsunagatteyuke todoke	The smell of the town after the rain And the dream-like secret I hold in my heart So many times I've felt like crying, but then laughed instead Rather than thinking about it, hurry up It's fine if you just fly into my heart To connect to you, to reach you
Nani yori mo daijina kimi no mae de Kizutsukanai youni daiji ni shiteta no wa sou jibun Sono hitogoto ga moshimo sayonara no kawari ni natteshimattemo Ari no mama subete	In front of you, cherished more than anyone is someone who cherishes you so that you won't get hurt, that's right, it's me Even if your words somehow become "goodbye" instead Everything will be as it is
Adokenai konna kimochi mo Hajiketobu hodo waraiaeta hi mo Taisetsu ni sodateteikeru youni Honno sukoshi otona ni natteku Kimi ni naritai boku wo koete Tsunagatteyuke Ima sugu kimi ni Todoke	These childish feelings The days we laughed together happily I hope we come to treasure them I'll  become just a little grown up Surpassing the me that wants to be just like you To connect to you Right now to reach you

Now Playing: My One And Only You

"Now I know that I know not a thing at all... except the fact that I am yours and that you are mine..."

The girl could just sigh as she trailed her gaze to the man walking away from her. The man was so much like a boy in so many ways and as much as she hate rejecting him, there's nothing else she can do about it. She had to step away and back out before things get complicated. She had to stop before things could get worse.

Like the old times, she took her notebook and started scribbling once more all the things she wanted to tell him.

Baby,

I said 'no' again. I turned down someone's intention again because, just like before, I couldn't bring myself to say 'yes'. I know that I could hurt someone's feeling by saying that two-letter word, but there's no other way. I can't just say 'yes' out of politeness. I just can't agree just because I don't want to hurt someone. I just can't do that. 

Out of the many who showed their intentions, only a few were sincere. But still, I chose to reject those few sincere men/boy whatever they are. I can't bring myself to agree when my heart is not in it. When it's something I want half-heartedly. I know... I know that I should move on. At least, find someone whose willing to be with me and who loves me for me but, I can't. 

From then until now, you are my 'yes', baby. And there's no other 'yes' but you. 

Forever yours,

K

P.S.
There's only you. Only you.

  Once more, she sighed.

Now Playing: Fantasy (by Hwang Kaizhi)

"How can this be close to reality when all I know having you is fantasy?"

The girl placed her hands on her lap as she surveyed the people passing by in front of her. She couldn't seem to understand but she's looking for something... rather, someone. She knew from the bottom of her heart who he is but, for some unfathomable reason... ah, there's no such things as reasons when it comes to him. Her heart and mind could be irrational for all she cares. She wouldn't mind being insane or whatever people may call her. She sighed as she surveyed again the fast paced world moving in front of her. Then, she pull out her notebook and pen and started scribbling the things she wanted to say to him...

Baby,

I am now sitting in front of the tea house where I always wanted to have a date with you. Crazy, isn't it? By the way, these past few days, I've grown this particular addiction to milk tea. Well, a girl can dream. Anyway, I'm writing a letter to you now because I want to rant. And I know, that you would willingly listen to these rants so I'm pretty confident doing this.

Since Tuesday, I've been through hell and back because of the drastic changes that's going on with my work. I don't know. Maybe, I am just fearing the things that I shouldn't fear but yes, I'm scared. I'm scared because I feel lost as an employee right now. Not because my tenure is faltering but because of the changes that's going on and about to take place. I'm scared as can be and I don't know how to overcome that. And that fear is turning into something stressful. Our COO is bombarding me with additional tasks - and I tell you, those tasks that I'm not so familiar with. I was assigned to do the Human Resources Metrics and it's freaking me out. What if what I'm doing is wrong? What if the data I put there were not accurate? What if those data were different from what they have? What if I'm not really fit for this? What if I can't do it? It's scaring me and it's making me nervous because people might be expecting so much from me. I know I'm just having silly thoughts but what can I do?

Baby, I'm so sorry for being so pessimistic. I just... I don't know. Maybe, if you're here with me, I wouldn't be as scared as I am right now. Maybe if I can see you every time I step inside the house, these worries would vanish. Maybe, just maybe... you could ease this raging feelings of insecurities inside me.

I wish you're here to hug me when I feel so tired and wasted. I wish you're here to sing for me when my nerves get the better of me. I wish you're here because you always know what to say every time I feel like this. I wish you're here because I miss you. I miss you so much.

I love you.

Forever yours,

K

P.S.
I'm still waiting for you to come.

She sighed again as she breathed deeply after closing her notebook. If this is the only way for her to communicate to the one she loves the most, so be it. She will write and write and write until all the pages of her notebook are filled. And she will buy a new one wherein she could write some more. 

"It's with you I feel comfort, it's with you I belong."

Now Playing: A Little Fall Of Rain

"I'm lost until you're found..."

It has been years - five years, to be exact - since the girl saw him. Five long years of waiting for someone who will never come. Five long years of wishing that he would find it in his heart to return to her.

She first waited when she graduated from high school. During her graduation ceremony, she looked around, searched around to see for that one familiar figure she knew by heart. But, out of the many faces in the crowd, she found no one that had stirred that string in her heart. That string which only him can vibrate. Then, she waited for him again on her college graduation. She felt that somewhere in the crowd, he's there; watching her march towards a new future, watching her triumph. She, once more, looked around, searched around for him but he's not there in flesh. He's just there but she can't find him.

Until now, she's waiting. She's waiting because she still can't find it in her to walk away from him, from his memories... from their memories. Some people said, "What happened between the two of you was just a figment of your imagination. It never happened. It never will.". But then, if what they said was true, how come she can still feel the warmth of his embrace? How come her longing for him is still crushing her? How come she still love him?

Now Playing: Safest Place To Hide

"It seems like yesterday when I said "I do"... And after all these times my heart still burns for you..."

He came, in a way that almost shock her entire world. He came in a grand fashion; in a way she never thought was possible. He came and she didn't got any means to avoid him because in her heart, she wanted to be with him.

He is but a dream - a constant reminder of her that she's the reality. She could not hold him, grasp him or even see him. She doesn't even have a clear picture of him. Only feelings - feelings she knew and still know - that were real and still real.

He became her sanctuary - her hiding place when there were times when things got rough for her. Her only escape were his arms. Her only healing balm was his touch. His voice was more than enough to calm her wretched mind.

Despite of the sad truth that he's just a dream, she felt him. She knew that all those times, he's been with her.